Arlen Hamper: the rhymes are all off subject need to know if it'll be good if i stick to subject thanks Russ for the feedback so far
Elsie Resner: want feedback on the rhyme scheme and wordplay also lyrics
Karl Jantzen: not terrible... i think you need to focus more on what you're tring to get across, cuz it kinda jumps around from line to line, try to find better ways to transition between your bars...i like some of the metaphors, some of your wordplay needs work, a liitle more maturity and perhaps use synonyms for other simpler words you're using. Keep it up tho, you def got potential.
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